4 am Woes

Its true, I'm awake at 4 in the morning, perhaps having a pity party, or just trying to have patience. Having patience this early in the morning after being woken up from a much needed slumber by people tromping up stairs and going in and out of the kitchen that you sleep under and talking in the room next to where you are sleeping, is very hard. My test these last couple of months...patience, mixed with understanding, (can you have one without the other?). I always ask myself why things are the way they are, why are things happening. I'm always trying to figure out what lesson I'm learning from this or that trial so I can learn it and move on. Am I being prepared for a future with one person who I will get to live with forever and will get to enjoy all the quirks they have? Or is it simply learning to truly love my neighbor? How do I find the balance of being a Relief Society President and a roommate at the same time? How do I reach out to girls who don't want anything to do with the church or think they are to good for the church? How do I go out of my comfort zone to reach out to those girls who need me? How do I keep the spirit with me when all I feel is frustration?

It's funny how I have a lot of questions, but there is only one answer...Prayer! Yesterday I left for work before 7 (with not that much sleep), very frustrated. The dishwasher was full of dirty dishes, as was the sink. Shoes and clothes were everywhere, along with laptops, books, backpacks, and empty snack items. I got to work and realized how much needed to be done and one of my aides just can't seem to figure out how to do data right no matter how much I show her, so I had to get down and pray. I prayed for patience with my roommates, the people I work with and that I wouldn't pass my frustration on to the kids and I would be patient with them. The day, although tiring, went amazingly. I knew I could have been a lot "meaner" with the kids but I wasn't. It was like the frustration was being suppressed (does that make sense). And even better when I got home the kitchen was spotless. I don't know what I would've done if I came home with the kitchen the way I left it.

So, here I am, laying in bed awake at now 5 am, and realizing that I am already learning my lesson which could be that I need to rely on the Lord to help me through all of this. Interesting that this wouldn't be the first time I've learned that lesson.